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Parshas Tetzaveh: A Story of Attempted Love — Featuring Clothes and Fragrances

Dear friends and family,

This week, I’m trying out a new format — story telling. Hopefully, this makes the lesson more memorable and relatable, while still packed with the usual depth and sources.

Summary: Building the strongest relationship means giving to them that which purely provides them joy for no ulterior motives. When we discover the gifts our loved ones like most, and give them generously simply to make them happy, then we have a real, beautiful relationship.

Have a Great Shabbas!

-Ari Melman

Parshas Tetzaveh: A Story of Attempted Love — Featuring Clothes and Fragrances

Understanding the power of smell

There once was a man who wanted very badly to please his wife. He was proud of his beauty, which he knew had come into form only because of Her shaping, but She refused to look at him this way. His beauty was marred by eight major flaws, and for each flaw, She asked him to cover up with a beautiful garment of clothing. They were as follows:

Breastplate

Moral Debauchery (source: Tractate Zevachim 88B)

Ephod

Idolatry

Robe

Murder

Tunic of a box-like knit

Arrogance

Turban

Corruption

Sash

Injustice

Tsetse Headplate of gold

Slander

Linen pants

Impudence

The man was ashamed he had made so imperfect the form She had given him, and asked if there was any way he could give Her what she most wanted. Although She had everything, She still loved receiving pure gifts from Him. The gifts She loved most were fine fragrances, so lofty that She could be sure he got no personal benefit from them except from the enjoyment in pleasing Her. With physical gifts, foods and moneys, there was always a part of him doing it for himself — to atone, to make peace, to request greater blessing. But with fine fragrance, all was for Her, and She loved them more than anything.

One day, the man got drunk and offered Her the fragrances to seduce Her. How dare he! The fragrances were for Her pleasure alone, not for granting favors, rewarding or forgiving his poor behavior. She lashed out at the man and his drunken follies were consumed by a fire through his nose. Never again would he try to get personal gain from Her favorite present, Her sweet smelling fragrances.

There were eleven fragrances, ten sweet and one foul. But She only accepted them as one bundle. Even the foul smell added depth and importance to the mix. If the man ever removed the foul spice, She would get angry and refuse his gift, until he made the foul smell feel just as at home as all the sweet ones.

When he lit them, She grew very happy, and they lived happily ever after.

Explanation:

The man in this story is the People of Israel. The woman is the shekinah, Hashem’s presence that rests among humanity.

Originally, Adam and Chava were born without clothing, without shame or attachment to the physical world, and the Shekinah was closer to them then than at any other point in human history. “Hashem blew into his nostrils the soul of life” (Br. 2:7). When they ate from the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil, they became aware of their ability to separate from Hashem, to find short-term pleasures more alluring than connection to greater truth and happiness. They attempted to cover up their thoughts of separation, covering their bodies with clothing. Out of sight, out of mind. The word begged means both ‘clothing’ and ‘betrayal’. By going after physical lusts, they blinded themselves from elevating all toward a beautiful US relationship. The ME urge overcame them. From then on, humanity needed to wear clothes to keep from lustful thoughts and approach a relationship with their Creator. But though the clothing served as a protection, it certainly was less ideal than their pure state of origin. The Kohen Gadol had to wear these eight garments any time he approached the altar (Ex. 28:4). The holy garments designate both external appearances and inner morality, as King David writes, “let your Kohanim be clothed with justice” (Tehilim 132:9).

All sacrifices were brought to the Korban, the altar. The word Korban comes from the root Karov, meaning “come close” or “connection”. The sacrifices brought the Jewish people closer to G-d. Until the building of the Mikdash after Mt. Sinai, all sacrifices had been completely consumed on the altar. It was unthinkable that a human would eat from the sacrifice given to G-d (Avigdor Miller, the night of history audio lecture). Abel and Noah and Abraham all offered complete animal sacrifices on the altar. But with the Pesach offering, the people who brought the sacrifice ate with it. They turned their bodies into an altar, a connection point with their Creator. Only the Jews, a people dedicated to transforming their minds and actions into vessels of connection with Hashem, were capable of achieving this. And they were only able to as a complete unit — all of Klal Yisrael is thought as one being, one married partner in the relationship with G-d. An individual cannot take upon himself the Pesach offering — he must share it with the community or burn it altogether.

Still, G-d’s favorite preference is not for animal sacrifices but for incense. Midrash Tanchuma (Parsha Tetzaveh, simon 14) explains that Hashem prefers ketores incense offerings over all others. All the animal sacrifices fill the interests of the sacrificer — whether shlamim (peace), guilt, precautionary, or voluntary offering, all were done to perfect the giver. Only the incense were done purely for G-d’s pleasure, as Tractate Berachos explains (Daf 43, amud beis), smell helps the soul but not the body. That’s why it’s allowed, even encouraged, on Yom Kippur to smell spices.

Animal sacrifice is comparable to when a husband picks up groceries, or buys his wife a blender, or takes her out on a date. They are nice, but it’s clear he’s getting direct benefit as well. But when a husband surprises her with flowers for Shabbas, something that most women appreciate in a way most men do not, she knows he got them only in order to make her happy. And that thought makes her happiest of all.

Nadab and Avihu, two of Aaron’s four sons, got drunk on wine and offered incense offerings to Hashem. For their selfish desire to connect to Hashem without the proper clothes or community intentions, for acting as a limb rather than for the whole body, they were consumed. The fire went up their noses and took back the souls Hashem had breathed into them.

We are a community, composed of people of all strengths and challenges, of all intellects and disabilities. We care for each other, and the true test of caring is in how we care for the least fortunate among us. Amalek, the very opposite of Hashem, attacks the weakest first. In contrast, Hashem loves those who care most attentively to the most easily ignored. That’s why one of the 11 fragrances is foul smelling — it represents the part of the community most people would rather leave out. But Hashem makes our responsibility as a community clear — even the bruised and battered play a critical role in defining us, and we must give them equal stand among us. When we do, we bring out the greatest connection we have. In the Niddah cycle of women’s purity, there are 11 days of clear-sailing when a woman is guaranteed clean. In this span, she can have the closest relationship with Her husband of the month (Midrash Yilkati Rueveni parshas Ki Teitze). Every day is precious.

It is no surprise that the word Ketorah means Keter, “connection” (Aramaic, Recanti on Ex. Perek 30) or “to tie” (Tractate Shabbas, daf 61, amud 1). The Ketores are what bind us to Hashem, because we light them purely in order to please.

May we be blessed to serve our loved ones what they most desire, not what we most desire for them. By pleasing them by understanding what they want, may our relationships become ever deeper and stronger.

Great Shabbas!

-Ari Melman

Bonus: Avraham married Ketorah after Sarah died and had many children by her. He sent the children to the East with immaterial, spiritual gifts. Scents are the closest we get to understanding the spiritual world, as they have no physical matter. Is it any surprise then that incense are so popular in the East?

  

Much of the content of this shir came from Zolly Claman, a student of R. Kelemen’s kollel.